Couples: How to Regulate Your Emotions During Difficult Conversations

Sharing your life with someone means having open and honest conversations, even when those conversations are a bit difficult. But that’s easier said than done.

During hard conversations, it’s common for many people to become triggered by something their partner has said. Calm one moment, but the next they’re thrown into “fight or flight” mode, their brain sensing danger. Before they know it, the most primitive part of their brain is activated in an effort to help them survive. And this is when things can get ugly. Because it’s fairly impossible to speak calmly and rationally when your entire body is in survival mode.

Luckily there are things we can do during difficult conversations to regulate our emotions and keep ourselves calm and level-headed.

Pause and Breathe

As soon as you start to feel triggered, pause and take a few slow, deep breaths. While deep breathing may seem like a cliche, it is actually a very powerful tool that helps us get out of “fight or flight” mode and into a more relaxed state. When we breathe slowly and deeply, it sends a signal to our brain that we are out of danger.

Use Your Senses

Another effective way to regulate your emotions in the moment is to focus your attention on a physical sensation. You could take a sip of water and really feel the sensation of drinking, or you could run your fingers along the seam of the sofa cushion.

Listen Fully

It is so common in a conversation to listen to form a response. But when we do this it is far easier to misunderstand what the other person is really saying. Be sure to listen to understand, not to form a response

Difficult conversations are inevitable when you are in any kind of relationship. But if you use these tips to regulate your emotions, you can remain calm and communicate effectively with your partner.

Start Working with A Couples Therapist in Wilmington, NC

We understand that making the decision to get started with couples or marital counseling can be tough. Additionally, we know that reading a list of possible issues to discuss isn’t exactly encouraging. Our marriage and couples therapists specialize in working with couples to heal damaged relationships, improve communication skills, work through fear of intimacy, and regain their emotional connection. Our counselors want to help you move forward and evolve together. Contact our team today!

Other Services Offered with Evolution Wellness

Couples therapy isn’t the only service that our team offers. We know you may encounter concerns that need different types of support. This is why we are happy to offer multiple in-person and online mental health services. Other services offered include depression treatment, EMDR, anxiety treatment, disordered eating, CBT, substance abuse, trauma, therapy for grief and loss, and Covid counseling. We are also happy to offer therapy for a variety of issues including LGBTQIA+ issues, women’s issues, men’s issues, therapy for vicarious trauma, and therapy for military families. Our trained clinicians know that family concerns can require unique care, so we are happy to also offer family therapy, divorce counseling, and sex therapy, in addition to therapy for young adults and teens.

SOURCES:

https://www.hope-wellness.com/blog/hard-relationship-conversations

https://hbr.org/2017/12/how-to-control-your-emotions-during-a-difficult-conversation